Not together

Here are rantings that are not meant to be together, but yet - I let it be.

I'm afraid to lose you
And you are not even mine to lose
So I say I don't want to be in love with you anymore
But that's not mine to do

Thus I struggle I battle
That I brought upon myself
For someone who isn't mine
And for a love that floats unnamed in the universe
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Love is reckless
It comes on strong
Not a thought, at max a blink of the eye
Just on instinct, it makes the heart race
Blood rush
And the insides tingle
Contradicting a sense of calmness in the havoc that it builds up, as the body rages
For eventually when one is in love the soul is calm
It's home

Mine is floating unnamed, unclaimed.

To the man I cannot love

When you were not around I read up a lot about salads. What goes better with avocado. Or shrimp. Or rocket leaves. What cheese is better for the protein involved? Masoor Dal salad is a real thing - And is yummy.

The truth is that you will never be around to have a meal with me, to share or try anything together - to know, to cherish, to just be.And even if you are you will be a prick, since thats something you are just attached to being - not actively  not consciously but it just becomes part of being you. An existential truth that I cannot have the time for, since I'm already living in a time capsule. It's ticking.
But I'll eat with you. Hypothetically. Since my love is here in each heartbeat.You can have your parathas with kaali daal while I indulge in my salad.Yet happiness will always remain a far fetched dream and the reality is that I cannot love you.